My Worst Fear
I may have mentioned it to you before, but my worst fear is a movie.
I get to heaven and God sits me on a couch. He gives me a Coke and some popcorn and says "Watch this". The movie I watch lasts for four hours, but it seems like it only lasts 15 minutes.
There's action/adventure/romance/comedy/ethical dilemmas all wrapped up into the best movie I've ever seen. The leading man is making all the right decisions and and all the right choices. Its the best of each movie I've ever seen in my life all wrapped up in one movie.
When the movie is over, I ask God "What was that all about? Who was that actor? Who's story was that?" He turns to me and says "That was your life. The life that I wanted you to lead. I wanted you to be all of that and do all of that...but you chose something else. Where you didn't recognize your life in this movie is where you chose your own way. I wanted the best for you, but you chose otherwise."
My fear is that I won't recognize any of that movie. I fear that I will have chosen all along the way and never realized the plan that God had for me. Its not only my fear for me, but its my fear for my family and friends. I don't want them to miss out on God's plan for their life. I want them to be able to lead the life that God has for them with reckless abandon.
Be thankful that your "movie" is not done. Pray every day that God will open your eyes so that you'll know where His Will is for you and that you'll humbly obey.
When he calls to you move, then move. And when he says "stay", don't move an inch.
As for an Ethan update, I must tell you things have been going great! We've been to all kinds of places - even restaurants - and he always does such a fantastic job in whatever the environment. I believe he enjoys all of the "exploring"! We're still very careful about him being in large groups of people, or in close contact with people outside of family, but it's such a whole new world for us as a family.
He's showing no signs of illness or sickness, which indicates his immune system must be working well. However, he'd been a little out of it lately because his 4 molars are coming in all at the same time, and of course, feeling yucky during those moments are to be expected.
I will say, though, that having been in the "cancer world" for so long with him, I'm a bit uneasy when he shows signs of not being quite himself. Reason being, I'm completely unfamiliar with "normal" baby highs & lows. So when he started acting lethargic and had a dip in his otherwise lively personality the other day, I did struggle with remembering that that was how he was acting the day we got his leukemia diagnosis. Fear and worry were hot on my heels all morning, but the Lord's love was even more so. Scripture verses flooded my memory & I kept asking the Lord to point me towards the truth. And sure enough, I felt around that little mouth of his and I felt 4 molars (2 on each side) coming through.
Relief came, followed by my tears from just mentally reliving the whole experience of his diagnosis last year... and then came thanksgiving. Because, yet again the Lord came to my rescue - in a very personal way... He knew what mental road I was quickly traveling down, understood why I would go that direction, but sweetly reminded me that this was simply a "normal baby phase". I'm in the normal baby phase of our lives. It's amazing to think about.... and it's a good place to be.
A great place to be.
But still takes some getting used to... *wink*.