Tuesday, June 9, 2009

unfeigned faith

First, thank you so very much for praying. I truly felt peaceful the few days before Ethan's appointment - and I still do (but more on that in a minute).

Late Sunday night, right as I was getting into bed, I decided I wanted to read Psalm 121 again. I ran downstairs (startling my husband who was watching the NBA finals!) to grab my Bible off the table. I crawled back into bed, and randomly flipped open the pages. It opened to Psalm 91.

"Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.....
“Because he has set his love upon Me,
therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”
(verses 9-16)
Not by accident did I read this passage. And it was a beautiful (and unexpected!) comfort to me.
Then I read Psalm 92:1-5,
"It is good to give thanks to the LORD,
And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning,
And Your faithfulness every night.....
For You, LORD, have made me glad through Your work;
I will triumph in the works of Your hands.
O LORD, how great are Your works!
Your thoughts are very deep."
When I read those verses, I just knew. I knew that my next post would consist of sharing those verses with you in reference to the answered prayer I knew we'd be receiving at Ethan's hospital visit the following morning.
And then, simply because God wasn't finished strengthening my faith, I read Jesus' own words to his disciples in Mark 11:22-24,
So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God.
For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain,
‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’
and does not doubt in his heart,
but believes that those things he says will be done,
he will have whatever he says.
Therefore I say to you,
whatever things you ask when you pray,
believe that you receive them,
and you will have them".
It was such a beautiful and personal moment for me. And I wasn't even looking for it. But the Lord spoke straight to my heart in His Word, and I went to bed no longer fearful... not even timid about what I wanted the Lord to do in Ethan's blood counts the next day. His Word is alive. His Word is His communication to our hearts. And I either take Him at His Word, or I choose to let fear/worry/anxiety guide and direct me. And it's honestly just too exhausting to live that way. So, I choose Him. I choose unfeigned faith (2 Timothy 1:5). How much do we miss out on because we have doubt in our heart? He came to give abundant life. It's ours. We just have to believe and trust Him.
So I went to sleep in just that state of mind.
A peaceful state of mind.
Fast forward to the next morning... Ethan's appointment went very well. All of his blood counts were great! They kept saying how wonderful and healthy he looked. He of course hated the blood draw in his arm and screamed and cried to make sure we all knew it. But he crawled right up into my shoulder as soon as it was over and was easily comforted. I found out right away that we'd not know the outcome of Ethan's blood typing for about 10 to 14 days. Typical "Kasey-fashion" would have just melted into a disappointing despair. Because I HATE to wait. But knowing we'd have to wait didn't bother me. I saw it as an opportunity (or challenge!) to stay in a mindset of Faith. And I gladly accept the challenge! I want to use the next 2 weeks to perfect the "do not doubt in your heart", because it's not always easy to maintain. I mean, there's a temptation to fear that the Lord might not come through for us, right? So we back down in our boldness. But again, the Bible says, Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16).
So why not take Him at His Word....
I intend to write to you in about 2 weeks (though you will hear from me again before then!) that Ethan's blood is still showing 100% donor cells and there's no further concern for his needing any preventative treatment. Whew... I just got butterflies in my tummy... because that's a bold statement, right?
Well, I serve a big God.
And He's not afraid to prove me right.


Anonymous said...

thank you for this post. your faith is convicting to me. i will pray for these next couple weeks. thank you also for sharing the verses the Lord gave you.

michelle from michigan

Anonymous said...

I love you girl! Can't wait to check this it two weeks and see your great report! I love that Pray in Faith verse, ask anything in my name...
It's awesome!
Let's get together the week of the 22nd.