Thursday, January 29, 2009


Thank you all so much for your sweet comments and emails regarding Ethan's birthday.... such an encouragement you are! As usual!

Ethan has his development evaluation yesterday, and I must say, he did quite well adjusting to the "stranger" in our house. She was able to observe him doing all his natural daily things, and I was really happy about that. He does qualify for their services, however, they seem to think that his aversion to eating is not a serious problem. It's more that he's in the "habit" of wanting the bottle, but he will self-feed a little as well. So the trick will be exposing him more often during the day to finger foods and pull back (a little tough love) on the amount of formula he takes in a day. The pediatric therapist has tips for this, as well as for his motor skills that are slightly delayed (crawling, standing). We start his first therapy session next week, and it will continue once a week until we feel satisfied.

I've been a bit distracted this week, which is probably why you haven't heard from me much. Have you ever had reason to try and reconcile your gratitude for all things in your life, with your disgruntled feelings of how monotonous your life is? Well, that's my best way to describe this mood I'm in. I am so very thankful. But also so very apathetic towards the same things/routines, day after day after day. It's a strange thing. Loving Heaven's blessings but wanting the human joys as well. A friend suggested that it is probably something along the lines of this whole past year, finally catching up to me, and my needing to "check out" from it all. Not that I would trade my position as Ethan's mom for anything in the world! But, I don't quite understand my life. Or better, my role in my life. At this point, it's not exactly what I thought it might be. But then again, I can't say I don't have everything I've always wanted. Aside from being so extremely blessed to be with my son, loving him, playing with him on a daily basis... I need an outlet. A tangible one.

Well, I'm sure I've lost most of you by now with my incoherent ramblings, so let's just chalk it up to a bad mood. It's okay to admit that we have them. It's okay to admit that they may even last a few days. And it's okay to admit, though we never would!, that we enjoy feeling sorry for ourselves. Giving us the excuse to not have to deal with the issue that's really bothering us, content to simply say "I'm in a bad mood" or "I'm having a bad day". Like that justifies everything. Choosing not paying attention to the fact that we eventually have to snap out of it and get to the root of the problem.

Well, Ethan's crying.....and I see that's he's ripped his bandage off his central line in his chest (don't worry, just the bandage, easily fixable).... so it looks like dealing with my bad mood will have to take a backseat to taking care of my little boy.

Hmm. That's too bad.



Nancy said...

I completely understand. Sometimes the days just stretch out endlessly in front of you with lists of things that have to be done. Don't a few months Ethan will be crawling, walking and eating table foods and you will wonder how the time went by so quickly! :) Hang in there!!

Prayers for you,

NovelTeaMommy said...

Been there, felt like that ☺
I think your friend was probably right on, a "me" day will probably make it better. The first time I took a day for me I felt like a horrible mother, but I was so refreshed by the end of my "day" (five hours sans baby!) that I felt I had more to offer of myself than I had before. Better for everyone! I now take a day every other month to do something just for me.

Moz + Pam said...

Maybe you & Adam need to get away as a couple for overnight or a weekend. I'm sure one set of grandparents would babysit. Don't you think?