Wednesday, November 5, 2008

wonderfully made. wonderfully flawed.

I came upstairs this morning with a thought in mind - actually, several thoughts to share, but one particular theme. And as I booted up the computer, I noticed that the daily verse calendar on our desk was still on November 1st. I flipped the pages to the current date, and I couldn't believe that the verse for today was the EXACT theme I was planning to write about today. I thought to myself: The Lord really is sweet to us... we just need to stop and pay attention.

But anyway, I've talked about this before, but Scripture tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and as I thought about that again this past Monday afternoon on our way home from Ethan's appointment in Boston, I was thinking about that both in relation to Ethan's life and also my own. And as I was thinking, I thought about how wonderfully flawed I am as well. Not because God "messed up" when He created me, but because I mess up His creation quite frequently. And that train of thought took me to the thought about our experiences with continued answered prayer over Ethan diagnosis/treatment/recovery and how it has left me time and time again feeling so undeserving of His goodness towards us. And yet, regardless of myself, His goodness and mercy are abundant.

O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man
that trusteth in Him.
Psalm 34:8 (KJV)

It's such a wonder to wrap your mind around just how good the Lord is... even when or especially when... we are so undeserving. In the small things and in the large. I certainly recognize that there are times in which prayers aren't answered in the way we thought they should or hoped that they would. But I can honestly say that looking back over my life, prayers I so desperately wanted answered a certain way, that weren't... ended up giving way to greater blessings in the end. But how sweet it is, when a prayer is answered immediately. When protection is given instantly. When healing is given continually. When a surprise is waiting for you to experience right away. When you can see, at that very moment, the work of the Lord.

It's the most touching experience I can think of.

And I don't understand it all, but I'm so very thankful that in spite of my wonderfully flawed self, Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me.

And He loves you, too.

Oh and In case you're wondering what may have initiated this lovely train of thought, well, when we went to Boston on Monday I was fully anticipating he'd need a blood transfusion. I packed a lunch (3 diet dr. peppers!), tons of toys, DVD's etc. planning to be there all day. Within a half hour of them drawing his blood, the doctor came in saying that his red cells had gone up. I tried to hold back the tears that were forming. Because you will recall that over the past 2 weeks or more, his red cells have been decreasing in number, slowly but surely. And last Thursday he was right on the borderline of needing a transfusion, and I said that unless the Lord saw fit to jump start Ethan's cells over the weekend, he'd need a transfusion on Monday. Well, He saw fit. Even with my mustard seed-sized faith when I typed that last week... He saw fit. Ethan's cells went up 2 points, instead of down. No blood transfusion needed.

Again, I don't always understand God's goodness towards us, but with tears streaming down my face on Monday afternoon, I thanked Him once again for sweet, sweet gift of answered prayer.

We are at the point in Ethan's recovery when he only has to go to the hospital once a week - instead of twice. And we will be able to take turns between Connecticut and Boston. So next Monday, we can go to our local hospital, and the following Monday we will go to Boston (and so on). Ethan has also stopped taking his steroid medications, and two others. He's been slowly weaned off the steroids, but it's still possible his body will have a reaction to stopping these 3 medications (He is still on 2 others). Please be in prayer for this transition. He's extremely cranky and irritable most days, but that could be for any number of reasons. He's also started throwing up again. We're not sure why, but it happens almost daily. AND, another rash has started to develop on his legs, arms and face/head. It's fairly prominent on his legs, yet only slightly so on his arms and face, but we're not yet sure of the cause (his other rash in his diaper area is now gone). Please be in prayer that this does not have anything to do with graft-versus-host-disease, and that the rash does not get any worse. It could be anything at this point, but I'm praying it simply goes away. Since he's only being seen once a week now, I have to keep an even closer eye on changes within him, so I'm always praying for wisdom and insight.

I'll close with the verse for today I mentioned earlier that is on my desk calendar...

For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
As always, and not nearly said enough, thank you for your prayers for us. I honestly believe we could not be at the point we are at, without the prayers of faith said by so many on our behalf.


Carrie Comstock said...

What great news on his red blood cells!!!! Woohoo!!

Continuing to pray...

Stephanie said...

Kasey, as I have shared with you over email, I suffer with a chronic illness (lupus). You have inspired me to pray for healing in my own body. Thank you!