Tuesday, September 2, 2008

uninvited guests tonight

I already posted something earlier today... and I should be sleeping... but I can't get these gnawing thoughts out of my mind. It's been three weeks to the day since Ethan's transplant. He's not showing real signs of engrafting the new cells yet. They tell us not to worry. They tell us cord blood transplants take longer than bone marrow transplants to develop into the patient's body. They tell us that there is still time and that they hope to see some activity in his counts within the next 5 to 10 days.
But...
There's a tightness in my chest. Tears fighting to fall. If I were a leaf on a tree, this very moment would be my attempt at hanging on in the midst of the fiercest wind. The dangerous "what ifs" are knocking hard at my door. No, not now... not after everything has been so good... I can't let them in... we've come too far... I can't let them in.
^
Help me Lord as I'm tempted tonight
To 'wonder' if everything will be all right.
Fear begins to creep
And my eyes are wanting to weep,
But instead of unfounded sorrow
Give me assurance for the tomorrows.
Let this trial soon leave
And give me the strength to continue to believe
That his life will have Your favor
And sweet years ahead will be ours to savor.
Sweet Lord, whisper in my ear...
Remove the fear.

20 comments:

Alisha said...

Please let your fellow blog readers and sisters in Christ bear some of this burden of fear and worry. I believe it is ok to be weak and cry out to God to help ease your fears and worries. Let the tears fall and know that I am praying on your behalf tonight that God will allow me to carry your fear and pain - at least for tonight to give you peace. I have only posted once I believe to you - but I check on you and your family daily. Just know that at this very moment I am interceding for you. God bless you. Alisha

Anonymous said...

Praying for your strength Kasey. Thank you for sharing the poem, awesome.Megan P.

Curt Dunn said...

Annie and I will be praying about Ethan, and also about you, too. Remember that His mercies are new every morning...

Thanks for the consistent encouragement that you are to so many people, even when you are yourself discouraged.

Call us if you need us, anytime. We would love to help.

Anonymous said...

Kasey,
Hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day. Ethan has come so far. The Lord is not going to leave you. He is holding Ethan in the palm of HIS hand. He is in control.

"I will never leave you or forsake you." says the Lord.

Praying that you have peace tonight and a wonderful sleep. You have made it so far He will carry you when you feel you can't go any further. We are praying for you all. With much love Sharan

huntsouth said...

Dear, sweet, Kasey,
Psalm 27 says, I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the LORD.
And I John 4:18, There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment...
We love you and are praying for you all.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Ps. 103
In our weakness, our dear Saviour is so gracious. Joy will come in the morning! Love, Amy

Sara said...

Dear Kasey, I feel that my words fall so far short of my heart. Please know that I am praying for you right now. I pray that the Lord will give you peace and that His Will will be done in your precious Ethan. "Though you pass through the waters I will be with you; though you pass through the floods, they will not sweep over you; though you walk through the fire you will not be consumed - you are Mine, you are precious in My sight" this song, based on scripture, has helped me remember my Savior when my nights are the darkest. I pray it brings comfort to you too. With love and prayer, Sara R.

Marge said...

Kasey
There is nothing more I can say thaven't already been said,but know I'm Praying for all of you.

Because He Lives
Marge

littleleaps said...

These moments you are standing in are the toughest days that I ever stood through. The Lord IS holding you up. It is so evident. I pray that the Lord will ABSOLUTELY heal Ethan. That the new cells will love Ethan's body and find it to be a great home not rejecting him only the cancer. I pray for God's mercy to allow us to surrender our babies moment by moment. I pray that fear would have no hold on you, in the name of Jesus.

Megan said...

Remeber God's timing is perfect for all things. Don't let satan in. You are tired tonight and need a good nights rest. Tomorrow is on it's way.
Just rest knowing God is in control, you just need to believe and have faith which I know you do. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my namce. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. you will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!" Jeremiah 29:11-13

Good night and God Bless. I will pray for you tonight.

Love,
Megan
Washington State

Anonymous said...

Kasey-the Bible mentions 365 times- "Do not fear" Hang in there-Ethan's miracle is on the way!

Anonymous said...

Just this very morning, I prayed, "Lord, let it be today. Today that the grafting begins. Let it be today."

I pray that SOON you'll see the healing begin.

"Joy comes in the morning."

Continually Praying,
Jennifer

Carrie Comstock said...

I pray today is a day filled with hope for you. I pray that over the next several days we begin to see good reports on the transplant. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We are standing with you in prayer.

Lorri said...

Kasey, you beautiful child of God! What a sincere cry from your heart in a poem! Simply gorgeous! God honors the prayer, "I believe, help my unbelief."

And most of all, cling to the truths that God is good and his love endures forever and that all of our days were planned before one came to be.(Ps 139.) Rest in the truth. I pray with compassion, Lorri

Anonymous said...

Kasey-

I don't now how to tell you how much you and your family have come to mean to me. You have inspired me daily. I will continue to pray for Ethan and for his haeling to continue. You are always in my thoughts. It's okay to let the tears come God knows you are human and will understand. God Bless You Adam and Ethan.

Amy

Heather said...

I am praying for your strength and peace. Also praying that our Mighty God will heal that beautiful baby of yours.

Amy said...

We are praying with you! Thank you for your example to us.
-Ryan and Amy

Chele said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chele said...

I have been following Ethan's story for a while now. I came across it from another blog. I just wanted you to know I am praying for you everyday! I am a mother as well, and my heart breaks for what you are going through. Stay strong in your faith and do not be tempted to fear. God will continue to show his mercy on Ethan, this I am sure of.
God Bless you!
Chele from KS

Elizabeth said...

Kasey, I pray today is a day filled with hope,peace,strength for you. Also praying that our Mighty GOD will heal sweet baby Ethan.. Thank you for sharing your heart with us! We love you and are praying for you all!!! Love,
Elizabeth & Family

Hollie said...

Thinking about you, Kasey...