Friday, July 18, 2008

We have a date!

I got a call from Boston today.... we have an admission date for Ethan's transplant!

As of right now, the date Ethan will be admitted to Boston Children's hospital is August 4th. Adam, Ethan and I will be going to Boston on July 30th to review and discuss what Ethan's treatment plan will consist of (for example, radiation or no radiation, the final cord blood that was chosen, the details of his chemo and other medications, etc...), and Ethan will have some blood drawn a few tests run.

It was such a relief to have an official date in place (subject to change by a day or so, but we will know for sure during our visit on 7/30), but at the same time I felt a wave of apprehension flow through my body. There is an odd amount of comfort in "not knowing" things sometimes, and then there's of course comfort in "knowing" things. In our situation with Ethan, the "not knowing" when we'd be going to Boston has been a source of uncertainty and anxiety... but at the same time, it's been easy to pretend that life is normal and move on as if things weren't about to change. Like a sort of pleasant denial. But at the same time, you want to KNOW when things will change so you can start to prepare yourself. But, ya know, there is no real preparation.

You'd like to think that you can control your environment, that you can dot every 'i' and cross every 't', and that you can - on your own - be prepared for whatever life has for you. But it's just not true. You can lie to yourself and build a sort of temporary false hope in the fact that you've got everything under control... but really, understanding that you have NO control is the only thing you need to grasp in your "preparation efforts".

I don't know if any of this even makes sense. My mind is in a million and one places right now. I'm excited, nervous, thankful, scared, hopeful, determined, limp, eager... and well, you get the idea. But all I can come back to is knowing that no matter what I try to imagine these next few months looking like. No matter how much I think I know what to expect, the more I realize I have to stop.

I have to stop thinking, and over-thinking, and thinking again.

I have to stop.

Take a moment to breathe; soak it all in.

Then allow the tear to fall down my cheek.

The tear that represents my gratitude to the Lord for all that He has done for us and for Ethan...
And all that He will do.

And simply be content in believing that.


Psalm 91:9-12, 14-16 [emphasis added]

Because you have made the LORD... your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. [To which the LORD says,] “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him , And show him My salvation.”


Megan said...

Praise the Lord!! I am so happy to hear a date is finally set HOWEVER I can completely understand that a whole other set of worries start up since that is what I am feeling right now. I keep telling myself to trust in the Lord. I love the verse you wrote in your blog, it put me at ease the minute I read it. God is on our side and he will protect Ethan and carry him the whole way through this process in his gentle,healing and loving hands. As you know already, you can depend on a whole bunch of prayers. We will be with you the entire time to Boston and Back home :-) I wish I could just give you all a giant hug right now. Please pass on lots of kisses to Ethan from us. God Bless Ethan, Adam and of course YOU!

Annie said...

Wonderful news! I will miss reading your notes while I am on vacation. They have been such an encouragement to me. When I get home you will already be gone. I am sorry that I won't be able to give you a hug before you go. However, please know that we love all three of you and we will be praying for you! Remind your husband that he has reserved seating at our table =)

Hollie said...

Praise the LORD!! WOO HOO!! I am so thrilled that you are one step closer to healing your sweet Ethan! Keep us updated so we can keep praying (and we will of course continue to pray everyday!). Hugs!!

Janelle and Ella said...

Praise the Lord!! This is awesome news. I'm so glad you have a date!! I will be in Africa when you guys make the move to Boston, so you won't hear from me for a while, but know that I will be praying for you and Ethan every day!! This is great news.

FalkFamily said...

I am so excited for you - I know that seems like a crazy thing to say given the gravity of what is about to happen, but I know it's for good. Many, many prayers for healing and for peace, strength and endurance for the marathon you three are about to begin. Know our family is praying for you and loving you from across the country!

Audrey said...

To God be the glory!! YIPPPEEEEE!! OHHHHH! I am terribly excited for all of this good news!!! I have goose bumps!! Love you!!!

Linsey said...

I'm so glad there is a date! This is a good thing...

Dave & Elaine said...

Praise the Lord! I am so happy for your wonderful news so you can move towards this phase of the process. My prayers go with you to Boston and so does our Lord.

Prazhymn84 said...

God bless you all. I am praying for you and so are all my friends ... even my friends who are not yet saved. You've increased our prayer life. I just want to say that God couldn't have picked better parents for your baby boy. You'll be in our prayers as you travel to Boston. Perhaps I should encourage you in saying that my friend is 21 now, he's been through childhood leukemia and actually because of it his faith has grown so much in Christ. He said that he lived of Phil 4:13. He has an amazing testimony... and you are living an amazing testimony right now. Thoughts and prayers with you! Love in Christ- Amy

kimweber said...

Adam and Kasey and Ethan (I know you can't read yet...but you will and mommy will probably save all of this for you to see what God has done in your little tiny life so far!!)
We are praising God for the answer to prayer (again)and getting a date for Boston. I can understand your emotions going crazy!! Pray for peace for your minds, we will keep praying for wisdom and God's will to be done in Ethan's life.
Praying that the Lord will sustain you over these next weeks until you leave and mostly for the next months as you have a lot ahead of you all. Keep your eyes on God at all times, look up not down. Praise Him always. (I don't think God said it would always be easy either!!) :0)
Love you,

Elizabeth said...

Prise The Lord!! Wonderful News! I'm so glad you have a date!! I will miss reading your note's while I'm on vacation to maine. My prayer's go with you to boston and so does our lord. But know that i will be praying for you,Ethan everyday!! I wish I could just give you All A Big Huge Hug right now. Please pass on Alot's,Alot's of Kisses to Ethan from us. GOD BLESS ETHAN,ADAM and YOU!

Elizabeth & Family

huntsouth said...

Having that date gives a nice, settled feeling. Time has alternately dragged and flown, but it's all been God's perfect time. Peace and rest in Him is what we chiefly need... and pleasing Him as we place our complete faith in the wonderful plan which He has to unfold. All of those new hospital family members to meet and to witness to are already set in place. We will pray for your hearts to be prepared and tender and bold as you go, and that there will be many to stand by to support you. Lean hard on God. We love you--the Hunts

Carrie Comstock said...

Great news!! That is just wonderful to have a DATE. I know emotions are running high and thoughts and questions are swirling through your head. Just take it one day at a time. One step at a time. This is just another step forward, in the right direction.
Much love,

Collegegirl said...

PRAISE the LORD!!! I am glad there is a date set! Hang in there and remember that GOD is on your side. He is watching over ya'll and your sweet Ethan! He is holding your hand through this process too!
In him!

Anonymous said...

Its always the Lords timing and not ours. He has planned something wonderful for Ethan. We are so excited to see that you will be heading for Boston. You will be continually in our prayers. Hang in there. Love Sharan

a Putnam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
a Putnam said...

Hi - My husband and I are old school friends of Adam's from HCA and FABC. Just wanted to let you know that we're praying for your family and Ethan. We've got little Ethan on our church prayer list in Fairfax, VA. Good news about the admission date! Geoff & Trina (Seelbach) Putnam

Jennifer Wiser said...

Hi Kasey,
We've been gone for a few days camping, and was so excited to hear your news. I hope things are going well still at home. I know how the days leading up to transplant feel, and I am praying that you have peace and strength during the time you are preparing for your hospital stay. I know the next phase in your journey is scary, and yet anticipated as well, just keep on taking it one day at a time. Sometimes when you are at your scariest or saddest times in life, all you can do is take the next step and God will meet you there. I know He will continue to meet you at each step of this journey.

Love and Hugs to you,