Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Find some water to walk on

Thank you for your prayers! Ethan had not been on ANY form of medication since last Wednesday night and we didn't start chemo right away because they needed his immune system (his "ANC") to strengthen a little bit. While waiting, we were praying that the progress we had made with his blood counts wouldn't be lost. Praise the Lord, because when we were waiting to get admitted yesterday, his blood results showed that his good cells stayed high and the bad cells stayed low. AND his immune system level (ANC level) had jumped from 84 to 1300! So we were good to start his 4th round of chemo. It will be the same 3 chemo medications he got last time since that seemed to have worked well. The only difference will be that he will get chemo for 6 days as opposed to 7. This is because they want to ease up on his immune system a little bit. I like the idea of one less day of chemotherapy! Everyone here anticipates (as do we) that this will be his last round of chemo at the hospital here in Connecticut. I think everyone is thinking we will be in Boston preparing for the transplant before Ethan would need another round of medications. That's not to say that he won't get chemo anymore... it would just be given to him in Boston. I'm hoping that's the case. I'm ready to move into the next phase of this process.... well, as ready as I can be right now.

I was reading a devotional entry last night and was reading about the story of Peter walking on the water to Jesus:

Matthew 14:28-31: And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O ye of little faith, why didst thou doubt?"

I've heard this particular story in the Bible many times, and each time I think I have a different opinion about Peter's example to us... and what that whole experience means for my life. As I sat and wondered last night, I believe that Peter knew to believe that Jesus was who He said He was. I think that Peter did believe in the power of God. And I think Peter was brave (in the sense that we know "brave" to be) in taking the first step of faith. But, as we can see, the first step isn't enough. One step forward in faith... that first step is extremely important, but it isn't enough. Peter took the first step.... he believed.... he had faith.... but the winds blew and the storm raged - and - he - became - afraid. Where there is fear, there is doubt, and faith cannot thrive. Where there is faith, there is no doubt and fear has no power. That's the lesson the Lord continues to remind me lately.

Right now, though, I think what's more interesting to me, is that even when Peter started to sink, in the middle of his fear.... he still knew that only the Lord could save him. He called out to Jesus and asked Him to help him. Almost in a sense, in my opinion, asking God to forgive him for doubting. I've always thought this story to be an example of "not enough faith". But when you really break it down, it's an example of what a mixture of fear and doubt can do to faith.

I think Peter did have reason to be afraid, he was stepping out onto WATER and then after a step or two, all of a sudden winds were blowing all around him.... maybe even waves building next to him. It makes sense to me that he would lose focus. It makes sense to me that he would be afraid. It makes sense to me that he would panic...

And to me, that's the point of this example.

That's the point of this story.

In the midst of every fleshly reason to fear, to panic and to lose focus... God is standing there asking us for complete faith.

Asking us to "Come".

Asking us to know, to truly believe, that even the most howling of winds are at His command. The most violent of waves are in His control.

All we have to do is walk forward... not just one step, but step after step after step... steadily... faithfully... knowing He is, He was, and He will be.

p.s. - Sharon, who left me a comment about your son who was diagnosed with leukemia at 4 months and is now 6+ months post transplant, please email me your email address (kasey_krawiec@yahoo.com)... I'd love to ask you a few questions. Thank you!


Carrie Comstock said...

Praying this round of chemo goes very well! And what great news about all of his numbers. :)

My kids were in VBS last week. One day (Tuesday, I think) they heard this story about walking on water. That day their saying was "Jesus gives us the power to be BRAVE!" (and then they'd follow that up with a little "aha!") And Jesus has indeed given us the power to be brave. You are being brave for your boy and venturing into unknown waters. Continue to keep your focus on the Lord.

Jesus will give *you* the power to be BRAVE.

Aha! (In my best VBS voice :)


Mom K said...

Nothing ever "occurs" to God. He already had the solution, even before you knew the problem. We will keep our eyes on God. He is never too late. We rejoice in your continued strength & love toward God no matter what has come into your life each day. Thank you for your example.
Mom K

FalkFamily said...

Thank you for sharing this wisdom with me this morning. Every day I look forward to reading your thoughts and the progress Ethan is making and every day I look forward to praying for your little family, but today, you have given me something extraordinary. This morning I woke up in a panic and gripped in fear (my daughter has an appointment tomorrow with surgeons for some swollen lymph glands). My mind starting running down paths where you start thinking the worst. Reading your post made me realize that I am witholding faith and that Jesus does want me to "Come" and put my whole faith in him. I cannot just come half way - I have to "jump in" and start walking. Thank you so much for the gift of this post today, Kasey.

In the meantime, please know that I am praying fervently for complete healing for Ethan and I am praising God for the continued positive results.

Much Love,
Lindsay Falk

Jill Grant said...

Kasey-so glad to hear about the boost to Ethan's immune system, that is great!! Just wanted to let you and Adam and Ethan know I am thinking of you guys:)

Jill Grant

Megan said...

Wow, that story about Peter really hits home. Thank you so much for sharing. This is a story to remind ourselves about daily. We are praying for Ethan and the treatment. I pray we get good news from Boston this week.
Praise the Lord for the awesome numbers.
God Bless,

Lori, Landon and Logan said...

Praying for your little trooper! Praise God for one less day of chemo!

huntsouth said...

God bless you 3. Thank you for reminding us of God's greatness, mercy and constant presence in our need. The Word of God is so great. And the God of the Word is so kind. Kasey, someday, you can pay off all those tee ball lessons and Red Sox tickets with your prose. I get goosebumps! Life with the Lord sure is exciting! Love, Amy