First Experiences

It's amazing how you pay more attention to things when you're faced with certain realities. How many times did I drive with Ethan in the car before we found out about his leukemia. How many times did Adam, me and Ethan drive around to various destinations and not think twice about it. But all of a sudden those small things have become so much more important... more valuable... because we now understand just how precious one day can be. Just this morning I was thinking about the truth behind the saying "Each day is a gift". Yes, it is! When I woke up this morning, I got one more day to be Ethan's mom and Adam's wife. Two pieces of who I am that I treasure more than anything else. People tell us that they would not be able to handle what we're enduring with regard to Ethan's illness. True, it's not ideal to randomly find out that your (at that time, 11 week old) son has a rare, life-threatening form of leukemia... and that even with successful treatment, his chances of long-term survival are 50/50. And if someone had told me this was going to happen before it did, I am quite sure I would have melted. But when it DOES happen to you, you realize (maybe for the first time) how true God's Word becomes.

For instance:

"A peace that passes understanding".... No, it doesn't make sense that Adam and I can get out of bed each morning, let alone function or laugh.... but we do, and we can.... because there really is a peace that goes beyond what you understand.

"My grace is sufficient for thee".... You don't think you could endure someone else's trial, but that's because it's not your trial. If it were your son, daughter, wife, or husband, you'd do whatever you need to do and you'd be able to do it because God gives you the grace and strength at the very time in which you need it. That has been extremely true for me and Adam.

"I will not leave thee or forsake thee".... Never have we felt alone during this process. Yes, we have felt weak, tired, worried, frustrated, or sad... but never have we lacked for support, encouragement, or love. God has revealed Himself many times, and often through each of you.

"Fearfully and wonderfully made".... The Lord brought that verse to me several times while I was pregnant with Ethan. Each time I heard it or read it, I was calmed from whatever anxiety I was facing as a first time mom, because I knew that God was working out all the details in Ethan's body and that he would be just as God wanted him to be. Even now, people send me that verse and I'm reminded that the disease of leukemia is not defining Ethan. God defined him long before we found out he was sick. Ethan was made with the loving and wonderful touch of God Himself. He may seem "broken" to us because of his disease, but he's not.... he is fearfully and wonderfully made.... and was made especially and perfectly for me and Adam.

Another day to be Ethan's mom and Adam's wife...

What a great day.

Speaking of today... Ethan had several "first" experiences... not that he's really aware of them, but he will be one day! Well, his first ice cream trip started last night. The 3 of us went for an ice cream run. Adam ran in and got us some goodies and we ate it in the car. I was half tempted to dip the very tip of Ethan's pacifier in my strawberry goodness, but he was asleep... and I thought he'd have plenty of time to develop bad eating habits (no need to start it too soon!). And then today, we went for our mommy & son drive. Mommy stopped to get a breakfast sandwhich - drive thru of course - and then we were off! He played with his hands and smiled for a while, then cried, then fell asleep. But it was great.

Our first stop was at the recreational entrance of the Farmington River. I tried to fit his car seat into a kayak, but it wouldn't fit. I'm kidding, but I did tell him that one day we would go tubing/kayaking down that river. I have several wonderful memories of doing that back in Texas with my family.

Then I showed him a tribute to those that died for our country in World War II - he fell asleep at that point. I fear this is a prediction that history may not be one of his favorite subjects.

Then we came back home.... but not before mommy got some Sweet Tea from McDonald's. It was simple, but great. Not the tea, but the morning. Although, the tea was really good, too.

We go back to the hospital tomorrow for our next outpatient visit. Be in prayer that Ethan's blood counts continue to be good, that we can come back home, and that they have some updated information for us about a donor.

And just in case you didn't know, YOU, just by reading this, are a blessing to us!