I have a framed "saying" on my wall in the living room. It says, "Seek out life's simple pleasures". I bought it a couple of years ago on a whim. I didn't really care too much about what it said as much as I cared about the fact that the colors matched my living room layout. So up on the wall it went. As Ethan and I were sitting in our comfy recliner this morning (at home!), watching TV, I happened to look up at the words in that frame. All of a sudden those words ring true to me. Seek out life's simple pleasures. I got to be at home with my husband and son for the first time in 19 days. Seek out life's simple pleasures. My sweet boy slept for 7 hours last night. Seek out life's simple pleasures. I've changed his outfit 3 times today because of diaper accidents (I realize that doesn't sound like a pleasurable experience, but I was able to do it in his own nursery, with access to all of his clothes and realized he could wear some of his bigger outfits now!). Seek out life's simple pleasures. I got to lay Ethan on a blanket on the floor and play with him. Seek out life's simple pleasures. I got to see my husband head out to work this morning. Seek out life's simple pleasures.... thank you, Lord for those moments (and the many others) today.
I wanted to share something else with you as well...
Over the last 4 days I have prayed a small prayer for Ethan... "Lord, he is in Your hands today. Take care of him like only you can, and surprise us with something good today". And each of the past 4 days have had their own little surprises for our family. The first day I prayed that prayer the doctor came in to give me the status of Ethan's good cells. They had gone up. On their own. No transfusion. The next day of my prayer, the same thing happened. His good cells went up in number. On their own. No transfusion. The 3rd day I prayed that prayer, I was surprised with the news that we could go home. When the doctor came in yesterday morning to say we could go home for a few days as long as I felt comfortable continuing his treatments myself, I asked about his blood counts for that day. He said they had gone up again. I said "Well, that's great! That means the medicine is working, right?"... To which he (the very doctor who initially thought my idea of a miracle was naive) said, "Either that, or you're getting your miracle". I just kind of smiled and continued to change Ethan's diaper. I didn't really pay attention to the weight of what he had just said... until now.
"Either that, or you're getting your miracle."
Tears stream down my face now as I let those words sink in. You try to keep your faith strong as you fight off the "what ifs", and you believe for a miracle... but sometimes you think, what if I'm not believing in faith/praying hard enough.... what if... what if... what if.
And then God decides to remind you of Himself. It may be subtle. To the point that you might miss it if you're not paying attention. But He reveals Himself and reminds you that He is listening.
I wish you all could really understand how deeply grateful we are for your encouragement prayers. I am convinced that words cannot possibly convey... I wish you could see the tears filling up my eyes and staining my cheeks as I sit here and comprehend how many people... friends, family, and strangers seek to encourage and pray for us every day. You have blessed me. More than I can even tell you. You have been God's voice to us. Thank you for that. And thank you so much for continuing to believe in prayer for a miracle healing in our baby's sweet little body.
Spare our son, Lord.... Thank you so much for the progress he's made thus far.
P.S. - Alicia and Linsey, I can't thank you enough for this past weekend. You don't know what it did for me. Thank you so much for your friendship.