scripture

I can remember a few times in my life in which a particular Bible verse became a "favorite" of mine, but I can't remember ever clinging to scripture like I did since finding out about Ethan's illness last year. I've always known the Bible was the Word of God. His direction, His voice to us. But I've only recently truly understood what that meant. Or better stated, what that means.

Searching God's Word became an aggressive part of my first of many days in the hospital with Ethan - mainly the times I was alone at night. That was my time to be quiet & think. And verses seemed to pop out to me left and right. I started marking up my Bible and staking a claim in the hope the Words gave my heart. If you look through my Bible, you will find many verses that have a date written next to it, Ethan's name, and whatever particular prayer request had been on my heart regarding his treatment and healing. Anytime a new "negative" statistic came our way, I would repeat the words "your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God". Or anytime, I started to lose hope that Ethan would make it through, I would say over and over in my mind, "this sickness is not unto death, but unto the glory of God". Each of these verses became so very prominent to me and the peace they gave me, unmistakable. I knew (and still believe), that God used various scripture from His Word to speak plainly and clearly to my heart. Even to this day, they are a comfort and a reminder... You can see these two verses written on the top of this blog and on the top right corner. And my Bible carries even more of the promises I cling to and claim over Ethan's life.

I don't mean to imply that claiming a verse gives you a sort of "magic potion". God's Word isn't so easily manipulated. But what I am implying, and what I know to be true, is that The Bible is God's Word. And He guides us towards truth, towards peace and towards His promises within those written Words. And like I said, I've never understood that like I understand that now. And I understand the power of His Word. His power. His Word. They are hand in hand.

When I'm uneasy about something in my life... unable to gain victory over the fear, the confusion, etc... I do what I did when I felt those things about Ethan's cancer diagnosis. I search the Bible. I don't always find a relief immediately... and sometimes it has taken weeks or longer to find a verse that satisfied my search for peace over something I was struggling with. But God never forgets. He never forgets my struggle. He never forgets to give me what I'm looking for, even if I forget to keep looking. I think sometimes He makes me wait, simply to remind me that it ISN'T a magic potion. A quick fix. But instead making me understand that seeking Him should be a full time job. A delightful one. Taking the time to listen. Not a panicked, hurried "I need a verse to make this _____ go away". It's not like that. And in the "searching" I'm often shown other verses that I'll need to recall at other times down the road. And the point of it all, is the peace, the true calming that goes beyond logic or reason, that follows once His Word has been revealed. I assure you, it was all I had & have during Ethan's diagnosis/treatment/recovery.

Prayers and Scripture. God. That's all.

Aside from what may be the obvious, there was a point I mentioned this to you. If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you'll know that I've struggled off and on with worry and fear. And for several months now I've been asking the Lord to give me a verse from His Word that I can claim over my life. Some peace for the areas I've been worried about, fearing, or just thoughts I've been struggling with over "the future". I've been asking... but up until last night, I didn't have the peace I've been looking for. And then, actually by accident, I found these verses. And I just knew. I knew they were an answer to my long time worrisome prayers. Not necessarily about Ethan, but about other aspects of my life since Ethan's diagnosis.

Psalm 16: 1, 8, 9, and 11 - 1. Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust. 8. I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. 9. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope. 11. You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

It's what I needed to be reminded of. It's becoming my prayer....

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.... You are always before me, therefore my heart is glad and I will rest in Hope.