happy 8 months, sweet ethan...

I cannot believe Ethan is 8 months old today. All day I've been thinking about the day he was born. It is still surreal to me that I'm a mom. This little boy is mine. It's amazing to attempt to fully comprehend what all has happened in these past 8 months of all our lives. Actually, going back a little further, it's odd to think that this time last year I was pregnant with him! My pregnancy was not the most enjoyable... and well, my delivery wasn't either... I still suffer from a cracked tailbone that has yet to completely heal! But out of it all came this little 7 pound 10 ounce boy who was immediately handed to me just seconds after he was born at 5:10 in the evening on January 23, 2008. I remember looking at him, not at all sure I was ready for everything that was about to change in our lives. I remember when he first started to cry - man, he had some lungs! It was my first time to try to comfort this little baby... my little baby.

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It was just so surreal.

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When we brought him home, I was amazed at how we just knew how to care for him... but I also remember how nervous I was, that first night. He would breathe so loudly in his sleep that I was certain something was wrong! I didn't sleep much that night at all. But then again, those days/weeks didn't allow for much sleep anyway! I don't mean to ramble on, but I've just thought so much about Ethan's life today.

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I'm so proud of him.

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It's strange, though at times, because I've had to be his nurse for a long time now - more than half of his life at this point - and so focused on certain aspects of his treatment/medications and following particular regimens on and off over the last several months, that I struggle with feeling inadequate some days about the "regular" mom stuff... the fun milestones and knowing when to introduce certain things into his life, but I know we'll get there. And really, overall... I am still in awe and amazed that I get to be his mom.

Happy 8 months, Ethan! What an amazing life you've lived so far, baby boy. I know you don't know how special you are, but I write this... all of this, for months now... so that one day you will know. You will be able to read for yourself that by the divine grace of God, you not only endured a very rare leukemia with such strength, but you have been given a beautiful miracle from your Heavenly Father. A miracle in which your daddy and I, and many other people, got to witness first hand. Through your life, many have been touched... many have been changed... and you haven't even said your first word yet! But your life has spoken volumes. I also want you to know that right before your transplant, I found these verses in the Bible and at that moment, I dedicated them to you and it is my prayer to the Lord, for you and your life.

Psalm 121:5-8
[Ethan],The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.