i am weak but he is strong

Bright and early tomorrow morning (Monday), Ethan and I will head out to Boston for his routine outpatient visit. Hopefully this visit will go just as "routine" as the last 2 visits have been. I do have to acknowledge to you how amazing it is how normal he looks and acts... he behaves just like I would assume a healthy boy his age would act. He's very playful, very charming, and gets bored easily!

We're still adjusting - correction - I am still adjusting... and trying to balance everything that I need to do for him with everything I want to do with him. While at the same time trying not to lose my sanity or peace of mind. Things aren't always easy or ideal, but I guess I don't really know them any other way, so I just keep going. It's easy to lose joy though, or at least it's hard not let the "acceptance" of where your life is, rob you of "enjoying" where your life is. That's been a particular struggle for me as of late.

I know.
I accept.
And I am busy "doing" it.

But... it's there... an aching desire... that I don't always allow to surface to the top of my being for fear that I will lose focus for the task at hand... but it's here with me tonight... a hope of some sort... and it is heavy on me now... a pleading and physical cry out to the Lord... that there would be something... something to make me see a glimpse of the brighter days ahead. Because, sometimes the clouds are so thick and heavy, I feel like I'm choking... and I'm ready for the sunlight to burn away their presence.... at least long enough for us to get out and enjoy the relief from their gloom.

So I will restore to you the years that

the swarming locust has eaten...

You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,

and praise the name of the LORD your God,

Who has dealt wondrously with you... .

(Joel 2:25-26)