happy transplant day, ethan!

Today is a day to celebrate! Well, it will probably be more of an actual "celebration" on this day next year... but this day, August 12, 2008 is the day we've been waiting for since April 9 of this year. And the day that will always be cherished in years to come as we look back and reflect on all that God has and will continue do with Ethan's life.

Ethan should be getting his transplant today at 3:00pm (eastern time). The weeks to come will tell us that what we've hoped for has come true. He did end up getting hives overnight, and his skin looks pretty irritated (especially around his face and eyes), but still no fever and no other complications! I also want to mention that his spleen has certainly shrunk in size! The radiation did it's job and that organ needed to get smaller, so Thank you, God! Because it did! Pray specifically for the potential sores/ulcers (called mucositis) that could surface in his mouth, throat, esophagus, digestive tract and his rectal area. They can bleed and also become very painful for Ethan and usually go away about 2 weeks after the transplant. Thank you in advance for your prayers...

I'm not sure what I expected to feel like when "today" finally arrived. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or a type of acceptance that has settled into my being, but I don't really have a strong emotion one way or another. Just kind of steady.... and I think I prefer that anyway. I think somewhere along this journey, as we got closer to where we are now, I was anticipating some spiritual awakening... a sort of extreme closeness to the Lord that I've never experienced before... But really, I'm the same. And I'm not sure what to think about that. My trust in the promise He's given me about Ethan's healing has never waivered, but I wanted so badly to be completely available to the Lord's work while we had to endure this part of the process... to have a dramatic and powerful change in my relationship with God, and unfortunately, I've just not been able to get out of my own way. My mood, behavior, attitude, outlook... it's all just mediocre. I'm not living each day as if I know the Giver of Life. I'm not tapping into the joy that I know is available to me if I would just reach up and grab it. If you saw me in the elevator going down to grab lunch, you'd probably never even know that I had the hope of Jesus Christ in me.... and that makes me sad. I don't want to waste any aspect of the trial we are having to endure. And I'm upset with myself for not fully grasping all that God is trying to teach and show me.... instead, I resist it. Pray that these weeks are not in vain. Pray that God's purpose is not at all delayed because of my lack of willingness to participate. Pray that our son continues brings Him all the glory He deserves. That we see miracle after miracle and He receives glory upon glory. Pray that the Lord would unlock the chains around my heart that have left me content to just "get by"...

Ethan, your daddy and I are so very proud of you! You're our little 'super boy'! We want you to always know that we love you, and that Jesus loves you so very much. He's certainly got you in the palms of His hands and He's going to do wonderful and mighty things in and through you...